Bells Palsy: The Post.

I decided this morning to do the "Bells Palsy Post" that has been in my head for awhile.
It fits in with the gritty theme- I guess I am not done with that yet.

It is gritty because Bells Palsy is not traumatic, painful (not usually) or life threatening. But for someone like me who ended up with permanent effects from it, it changes the way you look forever, and can really shake up your self image. It is not pretty or fun. It is not storybook life.

First the facts: Not a lot is known about Bells Palsy. It affects the 7th cranial nerve which runs down past the ear to control the facial muscles. It is thought that swelling pinches off the nerve to create the paralysis of the facial muscles controlled by that nerve. They think it is a virus that causes this swelling- possibly the chicken pox virus or the herpes zoster virus. 90% of people affected by Bells Palsy experience a full recovery. I have also read that pregnant women seem more succeptible, possibly because of the excess fluid already present in the body.

I was one of the 10% who's paralysis did not go away.

I was due for Sadie, my first baby, back on New Year's Day 2001 when I woke up with Bells Palsy. I remember waking up and telling Ron I can't smile. I knew something was really wrong when I tried to eat cereal and the milk just ran out of the corner of my mouth. At that point I had never heard of Bells Palsy. I called my mom for advice- luckily my sister was there and she had just recently heard of somebody else who had gotten Bells Palsy, so she was able to assure me that it wasn't fatal. I did go to the emergency room and eye doctor, who prescribed ointment to keep my eye from drying out. At this point I could not shut my right eye and I could not drink from a glass with out liquid dribbling out of the side of my mouth. It was difficult to eat. I taped my eye shut at night, as it wouldn't stay shut on its own. I had a severe case of Bells Palsy.

10 days later I birthed my first child in a long, difficult delivery. She ended up spending a week in the NICU, so I ended up going there with my severely paralyzed face (on one side,) waddling around very sorely, carrying a hemmeroid donut and suffering from constipation. It was not the best time of my life.

My facial paralysis did improve but never fully recovered. I took prednisone to reduce swelling, I tried electrotherapy treatment, I saw a chiropractor and I tried to nutritionally support healing of the nerves.

To make this long story shorter, this is what I am left with:
(disclaimer: I took these pictures of myself this morning- I have not combed my hair or changed out of my pajama's yet.)

I have gotten used to my face this way. Once in awhile though, it catches me by surprise, particularily when I see a photo of myself that really shows it off. My smile is what bothers me most. It doesn't come out like I feel inside. I feel like it doesn't truly express what I want it to. When people take pictures of me I try not to smile and instead just try to look pleasant, without lifting the corner(s) of my mouth too much. I have practiced this in the mirror. It is hard though to not bust out a big smile when someone is taking a picture!
I catch that little kids staring at my face occasionally- I think they are trying to figure out what is different about it.

The best thought I can come up with about it now is that it makes me an original. It is part of who I am. Of course I know that there could be a lot worse illnesses and paralysis's to have- my own mother had polio at 18. I have often thought about her having to learn with to deal with the paralysis she has suffered with. But I still have to admit I have struggled at times with the change in my image. I am glad that I was already married when I got it. I did not have to go through the meeting and dating process with Bells Palsy.

We are all given our trials, and we can not choose what they will be. Trials keep us humble. And for this I am not sorry, nor should you be sorry for me. I thank God for giving me trials and blessings both.