The "hug for the day" column.

This column was published in my newspapers this week. I had requests to share it, so here it is:

I was prompted recently to create a gratitude list. More specifically, the instruction was to write a quick thank you note to someone who has made a difference in my life that I've never thanked. 

It took time to figure out who should receive this note. I mused over it for days. I've had some excellent teachers over the years. Some really good mentors, and lots of people I care about. But this was different- who had impacted my life without even knowing it? 

Then a memory struck me.  Since I have no idea where this woman is now, I have decided to write a column about how she changed my life. She once lived in this area. Maybe she'll read this column and recognize herself, or maybe someone else will recognize her and pass my thanks on to her. 

Her name was Connie. She was the 4-H coordinator for the county, when I was a 4-Her in about 7th grade or so. The timeline is a bit fuzzy.

She held the position for a few years, and then moved to Alaska, at least that's my memory. 

I remember Connie, from the perspective of a seventh grader, as being very bubbly. She was short and had big glasses, as were the style at the time. She also wore a huge smile on her face, and laughed a lot. I remember her being lots of fun, and that she was a great person for her job. 

But what I remember most, is Connie's theory that everyone needs a "hug for the day." She doled out hugs left and right, and even a shy kid like me did not escape a hug from Connie. I adored that bit of attention.

Remember, I was in middle school, and was growing up in a traditional Scandinavian family- Finnish, actually, and Finns aren't known to be demonstrative. 

I knew my parents loved me, and that my siblings tolerated me (again, the middle school perspective), but affection wasn't doled out like prune tarts at Christmas. Love wasn't a word thrown around lightly.

Connie's "hug for the day" theory was revolutionary for me. Everyone NEEDED a hug. Every day. I liked that. 

Furthermore, if you went around telling people they needed their hug for the day, and then gave them one, you got one too! Hugs take two people. 

Well, my brother, two grades below me, was in 4-H too, and witness to this phenomenon also. So, just to be dorky like middle schoolers are, we started giving each other, and others, their "hug for the day." 

I am sure you can imagine a brother and sister, middle school age, teasing each other that they needed a hug. Playing it up all dramatic. But we did hug. 

And it stuck. We were in college, and we'd still tell the other they needed their hug for the day, and proceed with a huge bear hug. 

The thing is, it stood in for the words we didn't say; I love you, I missed you, I appreciate you. We knew what it meant, in our own language. 

So, thank you, Connie, for teaching me that people need their hug for the day, and giving my brother and I the dialogue to tell each other we cared. I needed those hugs.